Where is God?

As a counselor I talk to people almost daily about the difficult circumstances of their lives. Divorces, affairs, children who disappoint, relationship difficulties, job stress, betrayal, and many other issues. Almost every individual going through a hard time asks the same question, “Where is God in the midst of my circumstances?” Even the people who don’t necessarily believe in God rail against the injustices in the world. They use their anger as proof that God must not exist. After all, if there was a God…how could he allow the innocent to suffer?

In his book, Where is God?, Dr. John Townsend attempts to point his readers to a God who, although not always seen or understood, is with us. Townsend asserts that God is working behind the scenes, acting on our behalf, and suffering with us when we hurt.

I recently had a client who was dealing with childhood sexual abuse. She made the statement that if everything she learned about God in church was true, then God knew she was being abused, stood there and watched it, and did nothing. She struggled to make sense of a God who could stand by and watch a child being abused. As she worked through her anger she pictured herself standing in front of God beating on His chest screaming “How could you let that happen?” And in her picture, God put His arms around her, and said “I was there, and my heart broke. If I had stopped it, I would have had to take away your abuser’s freedom. I won’t make anyone into a robot. Not your abuser, and not you, but I promise to bring good out of your pain.”

That is the kind of God that Townsend portrays in this book, a God who suffers with us when we suffer and a God who wants our love for Him to be real in spite of our circumstances.

Although I personally did not learn anything new by reading this book, I feel that it is a book that I can recommend to clients. Townsend has a solid grasp of not only the psychological principals of suffering, but also gives Biblical support for his views.

Townsend concludes this book by assuring his readers that God loves them, wants what is best for them, and is actively involved in their lives…a reason to have hope.

Marriage Monday

Becky Kelley - Where's the Line to See Jesus?

Fun Friday

In My Next Life

Happy New Year!

We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential. ~Ellen Goodman

Fun Friday - Merry Christmas!

Sunday's Quote of the Day

The man to whom I'm going to introduce you was not a scrooge, he was a kind decent, mostly good man. Generous to his family, upright in his dealings with other men. But he just didn't believe all that incarnation stuff which the churches proclaim at Christmas Time. It just didn't make sense and he was too honest to pretend otherwise. He just couldn't swallow the Jesus Story, about God coming to Earth as a man.

"I'm truly sorry to distress you," he told his wife, "but I'm not going with you to church this Christmas Eve." He said he'd feel like a hypocrite. That he'd much rather just stay at home, but that he would wait up for them. And so he stayed and they went to the midnight service.

Shortly after the family drove away in the car, snow began to fall. He went to the window to watch the flurries getting heavier and heavier and then went back to his fireside chair and began to read his newspaper. Minutes later he was startled by a thudding sound...Then another, and then another. Sort of a thump or a thud...At first he thought someone must be throwing snowballs against his living room window. But when he went to the front door to investigate he found a flock of birds huddled miserably in the snow. They'd been caught in the storm and, in a desperate search for shelter, had tried to fly through his large landscape window.

Well, he couldn't let the poor creatures lie there and freeze, so he remembered the barn where his children stabled their pony. That would provide a warm shelter, if he could direct the birds to it. Quickly he put on a coat, galoshes, tramped through the deepening snow to the barn. He opened the doors wide and turned on a light, but the birds did not come in. He figured food would entice them in. So he hurried back to the house, fetched bread crumbs, sprinkled them on the snow, making a trail to the yellow-lighted wide open doorway of the stable. But to his dismay, the birds ignored the bread crumbs, and continued to flap around helplessly in the snow. He tried catching them...He tried shooing them into the barn by walking around them waving his arms...Instead, they scattered in every direction, except into the warm, lighted barn.

And then, he realized that they were afraid of him. To them, he reasoned, I am a strange and terrifying creature. If only I could think of some way to let them know that they can trust me...That I am not trying to hurt them, but to help them. But how? Because any move he made tended to frighten them, confuse them. They just would not follow. They would not be led or shooed because they feared him.

"If only I could be a bird," he thought to himself, "and mingle with them and speak their language. Then I could tell them not to be afraid. Then I could show them the way to safe, warm...to the safe warm barn. But I would have to be one of them so they could see, and hear and understand." At that moment the church bells began to ring. The sound reached his ears above the sounds of the wind. And he stood there listening to the bells pealing the glad tidings of Christmas. And he sank to his knees in the snow.

Paul Harvey

10 Communication Skills for Effective Parenting

We all want to have healthy relationships with our children. Often the measure of health in our parent/child relationships is the quality of our communication. Positive communication is the key to friendly, trusting, and caring relationships between parents and children. It is also a skill most of us were not born with. Children learn how to communicate by watching their parents. If parents communicate openly and effectively, chances are that their children will, too. Whether you are parenting a toddler or teenager, good communication skills will benefit your children for their entire lives.

So how can you communicate effectively with your children? The ten skills listed below can help you improve relations with your children and bring harmony to your home.

1. Be interested in what your child has to say.
Turn off the TV and put down the newspaper. Kids can tell when you are not concentrating. Maintain eye contact, this lets your child know that you are really interested in what they have to say. If you truly do not have time at that moment, promise to get back to them later, but then do it!

2. Keep conversations brief.
The younger children are, the more difficult is for them to sit through a long speech. The goal is for parents to pass on information a little at a time while checking that their children are paying attention to and understanding what is being said at regular intervals. Parents should let children decide when enough is enough. Look for clues like fidgeting, lack of eye contact, distractibility.

3. Ask the right questions…avoid dead end questions.
Avoid asking questions that just require a yes or no answer. Ask questions that begin with what, where, who or how. But…don't let your questions turn into an interrogation!

4. Communicate at your children's level.
Come down to their level both verbally and physically. Use age appropriate language that the child can understand.

5. Express your own feelings and ideas.
Communication is a two way street. Parents can teach their children many things, for example, morals and values, by expressing thoughts and feelings. For example, watch TV together and engage the child in a conversation about why you believe what you are watching is wrong or immoral. Be careful, however, not to come off "preachy" or judgmental.

6. Regularly schedule family meetings or times to talk.
Use the dinner hour as time to catch up with each other. Or use quiet times before bed as a time to find out what the child has planned for the next day.

7. Admit it when you don't know something.
When a child asks a question you don't know the answer to, use it as a learning experience for both of you. We need to teach our children that the smartest people are not the ones who have all the answers (an impossibility), but the ones who know how to find the answers. Teach your children how to find out the answers to tough questions.

8. Try to make explanations complete.
When answering questions give as much information as the child needs, even if the subject is something that you don't feel comfortable with. If parents answer tough questions without strong reactions, children learn that no subject is taboo, and they will probably lose interest after they get their answer. Remember, anything you make an issue will become an issue.

9. Let your children know they have been heard.
Keep interruptions to a minimum. You can offer encouragement through a smile, touch or nod, without interrupting. When they are done speaking restate what the child said. For example, "Boy it sounds like you had a really tough day!" Not only will this let the child know that you have been listening, but it will often give the child a chance to clarify or give more information.

10. Avoid negative communication. Examples of negative communication:
· Nagging and Lecturing
· Interrupting
· Criticizing
· Dwelling on the past
· Controlling through the use of guilt
· Using sarcasm
· Telling children how to solve their problems
· Putting children down
· Using threats
· Denying children's feelings