Mingle2 - Philadelphia Singles
1. Give yourself 10 points if you feel that you have a supportive family around you.
2. Give your self 10 points if you actively pursue a hobby.
3. Give your self 10 points if you belong to some social or activity group that meets at least once a month (other than your family).
4. Give your self 15 points if you are within five pounds of your "ideal" body weight, considering yur height and bone structure.
5. Give your self 15 points if you practice some form of "deep relaxation" at least three times a week. Deep relaxation exercises include meditation, imagery, yoga, etc.
6. Give your self 5 points for each time you exercise 30 minutes or longer during the course of an average week.
7. Give your self 5 points for each nutritionally balanced and wholesome meal you consume during the course of an average week.
8. Give your self 5 points if you do something that you really enjoy which is "just for you" during the course of an average week.
9. Give your self 10 points if you have some place in your home that you can go in order to relax and/or be by yourself.
10. Give your self 10 points if you practice time management techniques in your daily life.
11. Subtract 10 points for each pack of cigarettes you smoke during the course of an average day.
12. Subtract 5 points for each evening during the course of an average week that you take any form of medication or chemical substance (including alcohol) to help you sleep.
13. Subtract 10 points for each day during the course of an average week that you consume any form of medication or chemical substance (including alcohol) to reduce your anxiety or just calm you down.
14. Subtract 5 points for each evening during the course of an average week that you bring work home: work that was meant to be done at your place of employment.
Now add your total score. If you scored in the 50-60 point range you probably have an adequate collection of coping strategies for most common sources of stress. However, the higher your score the greater your ability to cope with stress in a healthy way.
Don't Quit!
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must; but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow;
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit;
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.
_____________________________________________________
I recently had a client that just couldn’t say no. She struggled with family members, co-workers…even her pets. Her teenaged kids were walking all over her, her co-workers dumped all their work on her desk, and the dogs wouldn’t stay off the furniture!
As we started talking about assertiveness she looked at me like I was an alien from a far away planet. She just couldn’t see herself saying no. To her it seemed like too much work, and she worried that people wouldn’t like her. My question to her was, “Do people like you now, or do they just like that they can use you?” Ouch. I could tell that the wheels were turning and she was beginning to understand that it might be more important to like her self and get respect from others. She didn’t have a clue how to get started. I pulled out an old book from my bookshelf. The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook introduces a useful approach to assertiveness with its LADDER mnemonic.
LADDER describes a six-stage process for handling problems in an assertive way. These are:
L – Look at your rights and what you want, and understand your feelings about the situation
A – Arrange a meeting with the other person to discuss the situation
D – Define the problem specifically
D – Describe your feelings so that the other person fully understands how you feel about the situation
E – Express what you want clearly and concisely
R – Reinforce the other person by explaining the mutual benefits of adopting the site of action you are suggesting.
Although this is only a beginning in becoming assertive, it is a beginning! Recognizing a problem is the first step to finding a solution!
One of the keys to stress management is perspective. If you can look at a problem from a different perspective you may be able to solve it, or at least see the humor in it. Many times in counseling I ask clients to keep a "gratitude" journal. I ask them to write down three or four things that they are thankful for at the end of each day. In writing down what they are grateful for they begin to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. I usually give them this reasoning; Have you ever bought a new car and as you are driving home you see your particular make and model of car everywhere on the road? It is not that there are more of those particular cars on the road, it is that you have just started to pay attention to other cars. It is called selective attention. We attend to the things that are important to us. So...if you begin to look for things you are thankful for you will improve your perspective on life. Try it!
Have you ever opened your e-mail account and wanted to scream because of the sheer number of new e-mails that came in over night? I recently changed my e-mail address and it has been a great opportunity to rethink my e-mail habits. For instance, I had to decide whether or not to rejoin some of the e-mail subscriptions that I had. Some were very informative...most of them were, actually...but I just had too much information being dumped into my inbox every day.
My subscriptions included (not an exhaustive list):
The American Association of Christian Counselors
Spark People (a diet subscription that I never opened)
Christian Counseling Journal
TGIF (a great workplace devotional by Os Hillman)
Kohls
JCPenney
Overstock
Vista Print (a great way to get business cards or postcards very cheaply!)
Pay Pal
Freecycle (in two towns)
Bank (I get a daily update on my balance)
Google alerts (I had daily updates on 5 different topics of interest)
Picasa Web (they updated me any time one of my friends posted new pictures)
Comcast
Church Prayer Chain
Church Newsletter
Client e-mails
Office Depot
Office Max
Staples
I'm exhausted just looking at that list! I began the process of paring down my e-mails by making the list you see above. Then I decided which ones I really opened and read each day. I still get many of them, but I have modified them. I changed my subscription from freecycle to the daily digest (once a day listing of everything offered instead of multiple e-mails a day) and limited myself to one town. Google alerts come to me once a week now instead of every day. I decided that although the Os Hillman devotional was great, I never actually read it...so I didn't inform them of my new e-mail address. Spark People was a no-brainer since I never used it. I get flyers from most of the stores listed in my Sunday paper, and since I don't usually order things online from them I cancelled those e-mails.
Well, you get the idea! Once you have eliminated unnecessary e-mails use the "Do, Delegate, Dump, Delete" process on the remaining e-mails in your inbox.
Do - if there is something that needs your attention or a reply do those first.
Delegate - forward e-mails that need to be taken care of by someone else
Dump - If there is information that you need and want to keep, dump it into permanent storage by making a hard copy or by saving it as a document.
Delete - they say 80% of e-mail is junk...don't be afraid to hit the delete button!
We DO have control over some aspects of information overload. Take a look at your inbox and get started!
Several years ago I left the church that I grew up in. The church that felt like home to me. It wasn’t because I moved away, but because of some major problems in the church. I won’t go into the gory details, but it was a necessary move for our family. I remember thinking that it would be easier for me to move across the country than to make the move to a new church. It was a painful time. One of the things that I discovered in the move was the psychological technique of reframing. Somehow, if I was going to survive emotionally, I had to change the way I looked at the move.
Interestingly enough, I found that there was a great opportunity that I hadn’t realized in going to a new church. No one knew me there. While that was what I feared, it also meant that no one had any preconceived ideas about who I was and what I was capable of. In my home church I was viewed as “shy little Diane,” a description that no longer fit, but kept people from seeing my potential. I was able to recreate myself in the new church. I took on responsibilities that would have never been offered at my home church. It was an exciting time!
I learned that the way I looked at the situation affected how I felt about it. When I focused on the loss of my home church I felt depressed, lonely, and mad. But when I began to focus on the opportunities of going to a new church I was energized, optimistic, and excited. Same situation…two outlooks.
Reframing is a powerful tool that can help us refocus our attention from the negative to the positive. So, the next time you are going through a stressful situation, try to reframe and refocus…there may be a hidden benefit that you’re not seeing!
Stress Management professionals often use the term mindfulness as a state of mind that reduces stress. Although I am certified in stress management I often have a problem reconciling modern stress management techniques with the Bible. Psychologist and mindfulness meditation teacher Jon Kabat-Zinn defined mindfulness as: "paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally." The interesting thing about modern psychology is that, as Solomon in Ecclesiastes says, there is nothing new under the sun! Every psychological principle can be found in the Bible. Unfortunately, men take Biblical principles and twist them to fit their understanding. Mindfulness meditation is really godly meditation minus God. Kabat-Zinn was on the right track until he used the words “non-judgmentally.” The Buddhist practice of mindfulness encourages it’s participants to empty themselves of desire to reach nirvana. However, the Bible tells us “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.” Romans 12:3. Although we, as Christians, are to be mindful, we have to be careful of anything that asks us to empty ourselves in a way that directly opposes Biblical principles.
As a Christian counselor I often teach clients how to relax through meditation. Philippians 4: 6-9 is the Biblical basis for meditation: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me–put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
So, the next time you’re stressed out, practice mindfulness…not by emptying your mind but by filling your mind with the things of God…and the God of peace will be with you!
This is the time of year that most of us get stressed out because we have too much to do. Unfortunately we don't really think about why we do the things we do, we just keep up the traditions that we've always done without question.
We sometimes are like the woman who cut every ham in half and baked it in two pans. When questioned by her husband why she did it that way she said, "That's how my mother taught me do it." So, out of curiosity, hubby called his mother-in-law to find out why she did it that way. She said, "Because I never had a pan big enough to cook a whole ham." For years the daughter had followed a "tradition" that didn't make any sense in her situation just because that is the way it had always been done.
To help control stress I put together a list of the common jobs that are included in our typical holiday season along with some questions to ask yourself about each job. You can add to the list the jobs that are unique to your family.
If you would like a copy of this form e-mail me at dkbartling@prodigy.net and I will send it to you!
1. Procrastination
I used to say that my house was never cleaner than when I had a paper to write in grad school. Procrastination wastes time because we do all kinds of other things instead of what we should be doing!
2. Telephone, E-mail & Mail
The telephone is for your convenience…not for everyone else’s convenience! You don’t have to answer the phone every time it rings. It is okay to screen your calls and even turn your phone off when you are in the middle of doing something important. Filter your e-mails…and don’t even open the ones you know are junk. Stand over the garbage can when you open your mail...and opt out of mailing lists if possible.
3. Meetings
There are companies that use meeting cost clocks to determine how much a staff meeting costs in terms of combined salaries. Meetings without specific agendas are usually not productive…and almost 1/3 of the time spent in meeting is wasted because of a lack of good meeting management. Wasted time costs money…and causes extra stress.
4. Paperwork
I just read something about paperwork today on Check out Gretchen Rubin at The Happiness Project. “You know those little notes you write to yourself? The phone numbers, the URLs, the “call John Doe” reminder, the quick “don’t forget” notes…all those nagging loose ends that clutter the paper surfaces of a desk?
I used to scribble down quick notes to myself on whatever piece of paper that was lying around. This caused problems for several reasons: later, I couldn’t find what information I needed; I often couldn’t read my writing or figure out what a note meant; and often I accidentally tossed something I needed, or was reluctant to toss a note because I didn’t know if I needed it.
Now I have a “scratch paper for the day.” I keep a pad of paper by the phone, and anytime I have the urge to make a note to myself, I discipline myself only to use that pad of paper.
At the end of the day, I toss the piece of paper, after copying anything I need to keep.
I’m amazed at how much difference it has made in my sense of order. I’m not surrounded by illegible scribbles that may or may not be critically important.”
5. Space Setup
Having easy access to the things you use everyday seems like a no-brainer, but many times our space is set up in a way that makes us waste time. I realized this for myself one day when I was printing envelopes. With my printer I can only do one envelope at a time. The printer was on the right side of my desk and the envelopes were on a shelf at the top of the left side. So, every time I went to print an envelope I reached up to the left and down to the right…you get the picture. Since I don’t really think of office work as exercise, I thought it might save some time to put an under shelf basket directly over the printer for the envelopes. Although I still have to feed them one at a time, there is no more stretching, and I’m sure it saves some time!
6. Not Delegating
Delegation is a necessity in managing time. We often think that we can do the work better than anyone else, so we hold onto tasks that someone else really should be doing. We stretch ourselves so thin that we are only giving 60% or 70% to any one task. In reality, if we can delegate it to someone else, they will probably do a better job even if they don’t give it their all!
7. Interruptions
Have you ever had one of those days when everyone stops by your desk and says, “Do you have a minute?” The definition of interruption is “To stop or hinder by breaking in. To break in upon an action. To break in with questions or remarks while another is speaking." Webster, 1995 Interruptions waste time because they cause us to shift our focus from the task at hand. It is not just the interruption that steals time, but the time it takes to refocus and get restarted. Try to work in an area where you are not likely to be disturbed. Shut your door, turn off your phone, turn off the television, put a do-not-disturb sign on the doorknob.
Are you overwhelmed by clutter? Most of us have clothes we never wear, piles of stuff in our garages and closets, and boxes that we haven’t opened for years. Sometimes we wake up in the morning, see the stacks of paper on our desk, or the overflowing files, and we feel like we are starting the day already behind on our to-do-list. Clutter can sap your energy and leaves you less able to work efficiently. Clutter causes you to waste time because you have to sort through the mess to find what you need.
So, how do we eliminate clutter…and move from overwhelmed to stress less? According to http://www.dictionary.com/, clutter means:
Take a look around your house and see how many things you are holding onto for “sentimental” reasons that are really there because you don’t want to deal with your emotional baggage. Once you have determined why you hold onto these items, begin sorting through them by using these categories:
THE BANK OF TIME
A = Analysis paralysis
Thinking too much. It’s when you try to anticipate every turn in the road and try to figure it all out ahead of time. Over analysis causes anxiety when you try to use your mind so that you don’t have to trust God. But what if you forget something? The Bible calls us to think things through and to plan wisely, but that can become a real block to obedience and faith. When Jesus called Peter to come walk with Him on the water, what if Peter had allowed Analysis paralysis to take over?
N = Negative assumptions
Assuming the worst. It causes a lot of anxiety when you try to live out all of life’s worst possibilities. It also doesn’t make much sense. How many of those negative assumptions are correct? And how much energy do you lose dreading things that never happen? This is the opposite of living by faith. It is faith in the negative. That’s not God’s plan for us. He wants us to have faith in Him.
X = Xtra bills
Our finances are a source of anxiety. We always want to make sure that we are being good stewards of the money that God gives us but sometimes extra bills are a test of our trust. Will we trust God or not? The Bible teaches us how to handle money and not let it become too powerful in our lives.
I = Insecurities
When we are unsure of ourselves and feel inadequate it is another source for anxiety. What if we fail? What if everyone laughs at us? Insecurities keep us from having fun in life. They keep us tied up in the fear of man or the fear of failure. The Bible tells us that we were made in the image of God. As a Christian, you and I are CHILDREN OF GOD!! Therefore we do have significance in Him.
E = Expectations of others
We live by the power of what others want. This causes anxiety because we are always afraid of disappointing the one who is pulling our strings. This is not living by faith, it is living by remote control.
1 Thessalonians 2:4-6 On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men, but God, who tests our hearts. You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed – God is our witness. We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else.
T = Tomorrows - anxiety over the future
We worry about the future. We worry about what has not happened. Jesus taught us in Matthew chapter 6 – Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. MT 6:34
Y = Yesterdays - Anxiety over our past
The sad thing about anxiety over our yesterdays is that we can do NOTHING to change them. The same holds true for anxiety over the future. We can’t change the future or the past. Anxiety doesn’t help, all it does is wreck our todays. And God wants us to live in the NOW of our lives, enjoying HIS blessings.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
When we worry it shows a lack of trust in God’s character. As a matter of fact, ALL anxiety ultimately comes from a misunderstanding of the nature of God. He wants to care for you. Will you let Him? Or will you keep holding onto your anxiety?
Illustration: Have you ever watched a movie and told the character in the movie to be careful or “watch out!”? Our getting tense or gritting our teeth does not help the character in the movie.
So, how are you going to live? Constantly worrying, or restfully trusting?
Be aware of your reactions to stress
We have both physical and emotional reactions to stress.Decide if there is anything that you can change
Look at your emotional reactions to stress
Learn how to relax
Take care of your body
Take care of yourself emotionally
