Marriage Monday

Sometimes when we are angry with our spouses we become like attorneys in the discovery process. We set about looking for evidence to prove our case that our spouse is a "jerk," or is selfish, or whatever conclusion we have come to in our anger. Then, when the offending spouse does something that vaguely fits our belief we think, "Ah ha! I knew s/he was a jerk!" So, we file that bit of evidence in the file for the case we are building and before long we have enough "evidence" to convict them!

When we first fall in love we often look at our spouse through rose colored glasses. We filter out any negatives and focus on the positive. However, when we are mad we may see our spouse through what I would call "mud colored glasses." We filter out any positive and only see the negative. How easy it is to build a case against our spouse when we can't see the good.

We have all heard, and probably said, "I'll believe it when I see it," at some point in our lives. And that philosophy plays into our marriages when we wait to see if our spouse proves our case. The problem with that belief is that it puts things in the wrong order. The truth is that we see it because we believe it, not the other way around. What would happen in our marriages if we began to believe the best of our spouse and treat them according to our belief? Check out this story about how a husband's belief in his wife transformed her.

There was a small tribe somewhere in Africa. The custom in that tribe was that the man had to pay a dowry for his wife, before he could marry her. The dowry was negotiated between the man, and the girls father. Normally, a girl would bring a price of two, or three cows for her dowry. If she was a real knockout, the dowry might be as much as five cows, but that was the most anyone in the village could remember.

One of the men of the village had a rather plain looking daughter. She was reaching marrying age, and he thought to himself, "I'll be very fortunate indeed if my daughter brings as much as two cows. She's just not all that special."

One day, a young man came to talk to this father about his daughter. The father was surprised that this young man was interested in his daughter, since he came from a rich family. He could literally have the pick of all the girls in the village. But, since he came seeking this man's daughter, the father hoped that by bargaining hard, he might get the price up to three cows.

The young man started off the bargaining by offering ten cows for that man's daughter! Obviously, the man was caught totally off guard by such an offer. Never in his wildest dreams did he think that someone would offer ten cows for his daughter! Why, the most beautiful girls were going for a dowry of five, and his daughter was anything but beautiful. Still, since the young man had offered it, he would be a fool not to accept, and he did.

Shortly thereafter, the young couple had their wedding, and left town to go on their honeymoon. They were gone for quite a while, and everyone thought they were having a great time, visiting all sorts of exotic places.

Finally, after more than a month, the young couple came back to the village. Or, at least he did. But, it appeared that he had another woman with him. The father of the girl was outraged with this, and went to ask the young man what he had done with his daughter. He responded by saying, "Here she is. This beautiful woman beside me is your daughter." The father was astonished, because he had never seen his daughter looking so good.

That young man had seen the potential to be a princess in that rather plain looking young girl. By paying ten cows for her, he had demonstrated to her that he thought she was valuable. By his constant love towards her, he brought out the best in her, transforming her into the beautiful princess that he had seen within. The price he had paid was cheap; he ended up with the most beautiful girl in the village.