Mingle2 - Philadelphia Singles
When couples come into my office for marriage counseling my first job is to determine why they are really there. Many times one spouse has dragged the other one in kicking and screaming…they really don’t want to be there, but have conceded because they want their marriage to work. Others come into counseling saying that they want to work on their marriage, but in reality, they just want me to help them convince their spouse that they are right about whatever disagreement they are having. Sometimes couples come in stating very clearly that they are only there because they want to be able to say they tried everything to save their marriage so that they don’t feel guilt when they divorce.
No matter what their initial reason for entering counseling I ask a series of questions that help all of us determine where the marriage is and if the marriage can be saved. It would help if all couples asked themselves these questions from time to time. I have found that if both people are willing to work there is no marriage that is beyond help, but it takes dedication and hard work.
If you are having difficulty in your marriage, or even if you are not, sit down with your spouse and talk about these four questions:
1. On a scale of 1 – 10, with 1 being “the worst marriage you have ever seen,” and 10 being “marital bliss,” how would you rate your current relationship?
2. On the same scale, where would you like your marriage to be?
3. What would need to change in your relationship to move it from where it is to where you would like it to be?
4. On another 1-10 scale, with 1 being “I am ready to get out,” and 10 being “I’ll do whatever it takes” …how willing are you to invest what it takes to change your marriage?
We often buy into the fairy tale that “they got married and lived happily ever after.” Don’t fall for it!! They call it a fairy tale for a reason. Marriage is work and an investment. We only get out of it what we are willing to invest!
Hey...I've been tagged...my first ever! Mousey tagged me in this meme...
So, here are the rules:
1. Post a short blog article that includes a photograph (or a series of photos) showing the face behind your blog. If you already show a photo somewhere on your site (such as in your about page), then make your post more interesting and choose a photo that’s not currently online.
Here is a picture of me with my hubby and three grandchildren. You probably recognize them from the majority of my Wordless Wednesday posts! Being a grandparent is the best!!!
2. Include links to other people that have displayed a photo, or include their photos in your post, adding a reference.
Check out my daughter's blog here.
3. Tag as many others as you like to spread the meme.
I tag Bridget at And Miles to Go Before We Sleep and To Know Him
4. If you link back to David here and drop a comment; he’ll be sure to include links back to you. Each person tagged should create their own post and repeat the process.
"The world has yet to see what God can do with and for and through and in a man who is fully and wholly consecrated to Him. To be useful, the clay has to be moldable, and once made into a vessel, it has to remain in the hand of the potter to be used...When you come to God as His servant He first wants you to allow Him to mold and shape you into the instrument of His choosing. Then He can take your life and put it where He wills and work through it to accomplish His purposes." Blackaby - Experiencing God.
I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5 NIV
I want to be the kind of person that God can use because I am fully consecrated to Him. I don't always act like I am that kind of person. My pride and my doubts often get in the way. I am learning, though, that staying connected to Him is the only way that God can truly use me. How often I take myself out of His hand and try to do it on my own. There are days I struggle with my own competence. I have to remember that every gift I have, every talent, came from God in the first place. And everything I feel that I am lacking He will supply.
God help me to get out of the way so you can work through me. Help me to focus on you as the source of my strength, and my all the glory go to you.
Trista at The Pumpkin Patch is holding an End of Summer Party!
I thought I would join in and share some of my summer vacation pictures!
According to Hallmark.com:
• About 70 million grandparents live in the United States, according to estimates, and that number will continue to grow as baby boomers age.
• About 67 percent of Americans aged 45 and older are grandparents.
• The average age of first-time grandparents is about 48.
As a grandparent I have (hopefully) learned some tips for maintaining a successful relationship with the parents of my grandchildren.
1. Don't confuse your role. You are NOT the parent. You may need to say that to yourself over and over again if your adult children are not parenting the way you would!
2. Don't criticize your children's parenting. They will learn soon enough (the hard way...just like you learned) what works and what doesn't.
3. Don't contradict the parent's rules. You may not think it is a big deal to let the kids jump on your beds, but if your kids say they don't allow your grandchildren to jump on the beds...go back to rule #1...you are NOT the parent!
4. Don't interfere with your grandchildren's discipline...even if it breaks your heart.
5. When your adult children ask you not to do something (like giving candy before dinner), don't get upset. You already knew they wouldn't like it!
6. Don't give advice unless you are asked. Unsolicited advice is usually unwanted advice.
7. Don't assume that the way you used to parent is the best way. Times have changed...so don't say, "Well, in my day..."
God always ignores your present level of completeness in favor of your ultimate future completeness. He is not concerned about making you blessed and happy right now, but He's continually working out His ultimate perfection for you. My Utmost for His Highest - Oswald Chambers.
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. I will gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me...For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthian 12:9-10
I guess my prayer to be free is being answered. Like most prayers I'm glad I didn't know the process I would have to go through to be healthy - to be free. Even now it would be easy to give up - to go back, but I know that God has called me to something where I can't afford to go bound by all the things that keep me from His "ultimate perfection for me."
THE BANK OF TIMEShannon at Rocks in my Dryer wrote a great post today about her son Adam and a bully at camp. Her husband did a great job in helping Adam handle a bad situation! Check it out here. What do you do when your child admits to being bullied?
As a counselor I often talk to parents who don't know how to help their children deal with the inevitable bullies at school or summer camp. It is so hard as a parent to know when to step in and when to let a child fend for themselves. Moms especially have a hard time because we get very protective when anyone threatens our "babies."
According to Wikipedia, Bullying is the intentional tormenting of others through verbal harassment, physical assault, or other more subtle methods of coercion such as manipulation. There is currently no legal definition of bullying.
In colloquial speech, bullying often describes a form of harassment perpetrated by an abuser who possesses more physical and/or social power and dominance than the victim. The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a target. The harassment can be verbal, physical and/or emotional.
How do you know when your child is being bullied?
They might:
"Whatever happens that breaks us open to a deeper invasion of the Lord's Spirit is a blessing in disguise. Our brokenness becomes the threshold of growth in a Spirit-filled life. At conversion to Christ, His Spirit enters us. But His abiding presence cannot grow until the shell of our preconceptions, values, and personality structure is broken open." Longing to Be Free - Lloyd John Ogilvie
I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. Galatians 2:20
The only way to be free is to have nothing to lose. In giving myself totally to Christ it is no longer important what anyone else thinks. My fear, my self-esteem, my desires, become His.
The past few months have been a time of God breaking me open. While the struggle was great, God wouldn't let me go. The surrender - the dying to myself - has led to a hunger to be free. For the first time in years it is more important to me to grow spiritually than to do anything else.
But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. Philippians 3:7-8.
I want to know Christ...help me to continue on the journey until I am free, totally surrendered, no longer bound by the past - crucified, with nothing to lose.
In a national survey of married couples, researchers found that, on average, we spend less than three minutes of meaningful conversation together in a typical day. In the midst of jobs, kid’s activities, hobbies and television we lose touch with each other. We may be talking, but we aren’t really conversing when most of our conversations are just monosyllables during dinner or coordinating our children’s events. We may say our marriage is a priority, but we often devote our time to everything but our marriage.
So, how do we reconnect with our spouses? Meaningful conversation is telling your spouse where you are—intellectually, emotionally, and physically. Set aside a night each week to tune into out the world, tune into each other and focus on the reality of your own lives. Here are some questions to get you talking!
“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” Frederick Keonig
Having a good sense of humor is necessary for health, happiness, and stress reduction. Norman Cousins, author of Anatomy of an Illness compared laughter to inner jogging. He said: “Hearty laughter is a good way to jog internally without having to go outdoors”. Laughter is healing for the body, mind, and spirit. After a good laugh, we are able to think more clearly which helps us manage stress better.
How Laughter Fights Stress And Its Effects:
PR 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
What is a milestone? According to the American Heritage Dictionary, a milestone is:
if possible ride to an ice cream shop for a cone to celebrate! Buy a new helmet or bike horn or mirror.
